I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
