Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
try to milk me bitch
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
