wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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