Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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