I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
