we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
