I just cut my nipple shaving
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
