I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
