if i can run in heels then i can drive
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
