Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
