I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dignity is for republicans.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
