peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
