if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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