Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
