I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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