Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
