He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
