apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
