I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
