how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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