it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
