Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
