I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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