you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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