We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
