Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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