around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
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Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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