So drunk its hurt
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
