It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
