I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I believe in your delicious
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
