WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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