so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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