My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
