He uses pillows to masturbate.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
