I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize