I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
