conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
