I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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