Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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