why didn't you poke me back
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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