I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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