I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
