And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
