i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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