he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
