R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
