nut hugger
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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