i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
