so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
