The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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