This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
