she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
