apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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