If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
