My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
