he thought i was a dude.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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