and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
