sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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