He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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