I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
