...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
