I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
